Uncertainty and expat life usually go together. Sometimes you might feel insecure regarding culture, relationships or how to get things done in your new location. Also, it might be quite unclear how long you are going to stay, and that brings, even more, uncertainty to the equation.
Even though not all expat spouses have left a job/career behind a common trend is to find it quite difficult to regain control of your own life. Taking a closer look, it is easy to feel that there are lots of decisions that depend on your spouse´s job, boss or company policy. Of course, this could happen to people living in the same location all their lives. But all the things left behind have a huge impact when dealing with the situation. So, overall you may often have the feeling is that you cannot make decisions about your own life.
It might sound weird, but if we enlarge our vision, if we widen our look we will see that we live 24x7 with uncertainty.
When we are crossing the street we don´t think that the driver could get distracted and pass the red light; while walking on the sidewalk, we don´t consider that a plant might fall from a balcony onto our head. Our minds are “trained” to avoid those thoughts. The only thing we know for certain is that we cannot predict what will happen. We usually call the events that change our plans “accidents”. But if you look at your and other people´s lives, you will most likely find lots of “accidents” or unexpected situations. Some led to great results and others… maybe not so much.
So going back to the accompanying partner situation, we tend to forget that there was a decision in the first place. Whether we like it or regret it, there were reasons that made us decide to follow our spouse´s job opportunity. But feeling unable to make decisions on our life just leads to resentment towards our spouse, his/her job, boss, and company. Those feelings just make us feel bad, constrain us and cause us suffering. They grow inside us and can poison our relationships.
So perhaps a different approach would be helpful: one that involves resilience and flexibility (which, by the way, will be a real gain, no one will ever be able to take that away from us). Don´t get me wrong: I know that it´s not easy to change our perspective and sometimes we might need help to get there. Maintaining a positive attitude can be quite hard and that it´s just normal.
But knowing that life can give us huge and unexpected changes any minute might be a good reminder. So next time you are feeling doubtful about starting a project, signing for a class, think about what you want out of life.
Especially if you are feeling that you cannot plan anything because you are not sure when you are heading back, remind yourself that things are uncertain, but your life directions or life values are your own ultimate choices.
This article was published in Expatriates Magazine N°4
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Would you like to feel at home anywhere in the world?
Good news!! Your expat life can be a lot easier!!! You are just missing some key elements and this FREE eBook was written to help you with that.
