Expat Parenting

If parenting is a challenge, being an expat parent is even more. Life as an expat is way more complex and adds complications to the difficult art of parenthood. As expats we are away from our safe and comfort zone (even though it may not be so comfortable, it still is what we know and the place where we know how things work) and tiny everyday tasks might become a stressful and huge challenge.

If this happens to us, adults, let´s try to be in our children´s feet. If they were relocated with us (as a difference on born on relocation) most probably they did not have as much time as we did to process our decision.

Of course, children should not make this decision but still they should have time to adjust to it. It is very important that parents start to talk with their children about the relocation once the decision has been made, and support their children´s adaptation process, allowing them to see pictures, navigate on the internet to look for information on the new destiny, consider school options and also cover the topic on which things are worrying them.

They might be worried about making new friends, about their current relationships, about the language, and even though we do not want them to worry it is not enough to say “everything will be ok” and finish the conversation.

Most children will keep their feelings to themselves because they see their parents dealing with a lot of stress, managing difficult situations and they will try not to make the situation more complicated for us (except teenagers, of course). It is crucial that parents share time with them to talk about their feelings. We all need to “name” things that are unknown, uncertain. When we arrive to a new location it is impossible not to compare and most people tend to see similarities and differences.

This process is working in order to make familiar the unfamiliar scenario. This is related to the human need of knowing, naming in order to feel in control. Going back to parenting, our children need us to help them name their feelings, especially when dealing with new situations, things they have not experienced before.

Therefore, they need adults to help them understand what they are feeling. Even more, it will be very calming for them, to know that we have experienced those feelings before (maybe not as an expat but surely you have experienced fear of the unknown or uncertain, loneliness, etc in your life as a child). For them to know that their parents went through similar things and “survived” is relieving. Not only because it gives them the coping strategies but also because it shows them that life isn´t always perfect but their heroes (parents) managed to survive.

PS: If you are raising children abroad, you might want to check this out, I am about to launch a new course to help them develop a healthy emotional identity (and learn a very effective way to communicate with them in the meantime…really effective way). Click here and learn more about it.

This article was first published in Expatriates Magazine in 2013.

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